Ah, Memorial Day weekend...that time of year when we all hit the road and then get pissed off at other drivers (and cops, those sneaky bastards). And although I was tempted to raise the finger in salute to these many stupid drivers I encountered, I did not. (Pats self on back.) But now I am. I was trying to pass a car in a bona fide passing zone, but it was on a hill and there was an oncoming car cresting the hill from the other side, and I do not have a powerful engine and so did not want...

I mean, they must. If they didn't want me to elope, they would never have told me how to do my own wedding. What's with saying, "T, you need to have red roses instead of orchids in your bouquet," or "Canned music? No, you must spend $3000 on a DJ who will play the wrong songs, anyway" or "We know you drew up the guest list, but we thought we'd invite 30 extra people and not tell you, all of whom live in the area and so are bound to come. What? There's a limit to the number of people who ca...

Awhile back I was in line at Starbucks (I know it's the devil and I don't go there often) and asked for my drink and a venti (x-large) ice water to go, as we were setting out for another interview and would be on the road for many hours. The oh-so-helpful girl behind the counter said, "I'm sorry, but we can't give you a venti ice water to go. We can give you a tall [small] --would you like that?" No, you idiot, I'm driving a thousand miles and I'd like a venti. "Okay," I said reasonably...

Today I had a one-day temp job in a very small town about 30 minutes away. It didn't seem so bad--just answer the phones in a lawyer's office--so I said okay. They seemed desperate to find someone on such short notice. What they didn't tell me was that I would be temping for the Devil. Let's call him Larry. Larry seems like a nice, lawyerly name. Also I have a deadbeat lawyer uncle named Larry, so it fits. I got there at 8:30 and walked in the front door and came face-to-face with a ...

Um, here's a site that tells you what type of hat you wear. I don't wear hats often but apparently my type would be a bowler hat. (See below) One of the nice things about this quiz is that you're not pigeonholed into just one answer--you can mark more than one, which is excellent for indecisive people like me. Quiz.ravenblack.net: Link (I have no idea whether the ravenblack of that site is the same as our own local celeb.) I am a Bowler Hat . I'm very proper, often ...

Top 10 ways to get into the private college of your choice (1 = most important, etc.)) 10. If nothing else on the list, get near-perfect scores on your SATs 09. Apply to colleges where your familiy members have attended (preferably also colleges where they've not been kicked out, as I learned) 08. Be a valedictorian 07. Be international. Or just have an international address where you can mail your application from. Or be born in a different country, even if they didn't grant you citize...

I'm a big fan of pretty much all forms of poker, and admit that I succumb to the current rage, Texas Hold 'em. Great game. Lots of strategy and mind games-- --which all turn to utter CRAP when playing with beginners. For one, there's beginner's luck. Last night we were teaching, teaching for crying out loud, our friends to play, and H went out nearly immediately betting on pocket aces (and another on the table, so three Aces) when the beginner got a flush (pocket hearts and three hear...

Just now, my fiance is next to me on the couch, sleeping. Sleeping AND snoring. We're getting married in two weeks and I never knew he did this, and I'm a light sleeper; this doesn't bode well for Forever. Do I roll him over? Nudge him? He's not fat, not got asthma/allergies/anything like that.... Am I doomed to sleeplessness for the rest of my life, or will I get used to it? Or will we be in seprarate beds by anniversary #1? Holy crap, what have I gotten myself into?

Two of my freshers handed in their tests today with some comment about, "Man, that was hard " and then walked out the room into the tiled, resounding hallway and remarked (so that I, their instructor, and the rest of the class) could hear, "And it's only a 100-level class!" Probably some swear words in there. For two quarters I've enjoyed my students, I've challenged them, and hopefully I've made the class somewhat fun (it's a general studies requirement, so of course they're not going to...

It was coming. You can't copy and paste from the Internet and get away with it in my class. I talked to her and gave her a letter, the "official" documentation, of which copies were sent to several prominant campus people. She tried to convince me to do anything but fail her, because failing this class means she's out of the college. So not only have I bummed her out, I've kicked her out, too. Excellent. You know what she said to me before she left? "I just want to know you don't think I'm...

Taco Bell, my biggest competition for my husband's palate, has this fairly new greeting at the drive-through: "Hi, how are you doing," the monotonic minimum wage worker asks. It's not a question. Not, "Welcome to Taco Bell. May I take your order?" But one has to wonder about the new greeting, do they really care? No, they don't. They want the money. Taco Bell is not and never will be known for its friendly workers; it will, alas, always be known for hiring minimum wage high school, c...

Who did Diane Rehm sleep with to get her voice on radio? Listening to her is about as pleasant as massaging my ear with a cheese grater.

After months of groaning over the gas portion of the Visa bill, H and I headed down to the Toyota dealer and traded in our Honda CRV for a yuppiemobile: A gas-conserving, environmentally-more-friendly used Toyota Prius. And while we've probably been happier--our wedding, say, or the honeymoon--we're pretty damn pleased with our decision and the foreseeable future. However, given that we've had the car, uh, for two days, a more complete review will take place later. Here's a brief rundown of t...

GENERAL NOTICE: Pigeonhole for sale. Measures 9" X 11" X 6". Only one owner. A few years old, lots of wear. Fairly uncomfortable but just right for college students and 20-somethings looking to be misaligned, ignored, marginalized, and swatted aside for their silly idealism. Reply if interested. $10. Free shoehorn.