*inspired by a pitcher of Malibu pina coladas with an excellent ratio of rum to ice
So the world as we know it ends and I'm left to share the wealth of knowledge with the hordes. Oh what a sad day, &c., yes it's true. But anyway, there are a few useful things I could share:
1. How to make a perfect pina colada with just the right amount of rum. Mmm. Rum.
2. How to properly distinguish misplaced modifiers—and where you can stick them.
3. Speaking of grammar, proper punctuation marks go outside quotation marks. ("Well that's silly", you say.)
4. The implications for mankind brought about by Newton's laws of thermodynamics.
5. Why the sun disappears in a lunar eclipse.
6. Why the Machiavellian point of view about a Utopian society is a lofty and noble philosophy to aspire to.
7. And while we're on philosophy and literary criticism, why Jean-Jacques Rousseau did the world a great service when he published the theory of deconstructionism.
8. Why Adventists and Catholics need to show a little less brotherly love—that relationship is disgustingly sweet. C'mon guys, get a room or something.
9. That evolutionists, creationists, lefties, righties, and commies are all wrong.
10. How to bake anything without burning it. We'll start with pizza.
11. That America became a better place when we decided we wanted Texas to be a part of it.
12. Morning people should be given medals and recognized with their own special bank holiday.
13. Copyediting makes the world a better place.
14. Why we should all shop at Wal-Mart.
15. Starbucks is evil...wait, what?
Um...well, that's all I got for now. Hey, there's some Malibu left...guess I better to drink it. Go drink it, I mean. I think.
Bu-bye.