Last night I figured out how to go back in time. What an amazing discovery! It's only by five minutes, but hey--that's plenty of time to take back something stupid I might have said, or to undo an embarrassing trip or stumble, or to avoid dropping things, car accidents, meeting my ex in the ice cream aisle of the supermarket--all kinds of things. Boy howdy, I'm a lucky woman.

You see, my alarm clock is equipped with a squishy button on top that allows me to turn time back five minutes. This was great this morning when I didn't feel like waking up at 6:05 a.m. Therefore, upon hearing that REING REING REING REING, I decided that I could sleep the same five minutes over and over again by hitting this same squishy button.

At about 7:15 I realized such was not the case. I made it to my class, which I teach, in time to be present but not coherent. (For once my students and I have something in common.) And now, sitting in my office greasy and dirty, I'm pretty sure that waking up from being able to change time is more disappointing than waking up thinking that I'm on my honeymoon on an all-expense paid trip to Greece, or waking up after flying all night long.