If (and I do mean if, as I have no present plans to do so) I were to find myself e-jected from my blog, the following is my pre-mortem directive to be conducted post-mortem. An unnotarized copy resides with my legal counsel (a friend who hasn't been able to pass the bar) and in my fire-proof, flood-proof, bomb-proof, idiot-accessible safety deposit box. Just in case.
(Note: Most likely my death would be a fast and painless suicide. I have little interest in drawing it out or taking people down with me, so I would request that no one take sides if the hit mods get me before the cyanide pill (which I think could be marketed as a morning-after-stupidity pill, and may attempt in my next life).)
While I'm not generally a fan of open caskets, I think my e-death would be an appropriate time to view the dead articles, as it were. Browse through, say your goodbyes, think of the good times we had and all the witty comments I'd make in the mornings and all the stupid ones I'd make at night. Remember me as the poor wife whose husband had those awful shirts, and think of all the Harry Potter I'll be able to read in my free time. (Damn sixth book needs to come out, first...hmm...come to think of it, that could be an opportune time for me to e-die.)
The audience should demonstrate their quiet and profound respect by not resorting to crude spellings or adolescent shorthand, but rather, following the rules and regulations of grammar as set forth by the grammar nazis who taught you in middle school, bless their souls.
Roses are not my favorite flower, but I wouldn't mind a few scattered around: ---'---,--@ though, truth be told, I'm a bigger tulip fan. <---C
Donations to my charities are highly recommended; they include, but are not limited to: entry level workers' salaries, the Denver Broncos, JibJab, the Onion, Mozilla, anything run by non- or bi-partisan groups, but nothing that is extremist or partisan, be they liberals, conservatives, or terrorists (some of whom are not all that different from the others). Other charitable comments can be left at the blogs of BlueDev, Chiprj, Historyisheresy, Muggaz, Ravenblack, and Shadesofgrey; Dan Kaschel and Texas Wahine and Citahellion and Imajinit are also fine prospects and I intend to see more of them before I e-die. Actually there are a lot more prospects whom I intend to make an acquaintance with, but those are from the top of my head. And there are some who have gone before me who should receive such comments, but alas....
A few words could be spoken; perhaps a few poems or songs recited or sung (especially the bawdy beer songs or satirical poems); but any detracting commentators can keep their damn yaps shut as I don't particularly have the time or inclination to come back and haunt them.
*
Really--the next life isn't so bad: Fewer petty squabbles, no gods or demigods talking over my shoulder (or devils or demidevils). More time for reading and writing, getting out and fishing and hiking more. Less pasty-whiteness and more fitness. There is actual interaction with real live people who listen to your voice and see your actions and note the inflection in your words, and actually hear your sarcasm and anger and those witty retorts that get backspaced and tongue-bitten.
Picture this: A real conversation with real people sitting face-to-face; knowing what season it is by the color of the leaves; knowing whether or not it's raining outside without checking the forecast online; driving somewhere with a paper map and not a mapquest printout; talking about what I did this day instead of whom I pissed off online; reading poetry again; having a normal blood pressure reading and not worrying about it summiting the death mark every time I venture onto the forums....because there will be no more forums and much less stupidity. Ahh. Methinks I should go gently into that good daylight right now....
But I probably won't.
-Angloesque.