Evolving.
...really kidding?
Published on October 28, 2004 By Angloesque In Personal Relationships
Does adding the tag "just kidding" to an insult make everything better? I give you my sister-in-law (SIL): She's in college and has a severe case of what I call Youngest Child Syndrome. Basically, YCS means you get away with a lot of crap the older kids wouldn't get away with--you're more independent and opinionated. And then there are those who get away with it unchecked for so long that they don't know the difference between politeness and rudeness. My in-laws may call SIL "independent" and "opinionated" but I think there's another word for it, because I'm independent and opinionated but I don't put people down. (People in glass houses, y'know.)

Anyway, so she's leaving our house the other night. She's been talking all night about this new computer she's getting--H is helping her get her old one ready to sell--and H says, offhandedly, "Oh man, I want a new laptop." It's sort of a joke because he has a nice one he got for a steal on eBay--before we were unemployed, incidentally. I laughed.

SIL retorts, "Yeah, well, I'm working four jobs--how many are YOU working?" Then, "Ha ha, just kidding."

H sort of laughs, I turn red, and SIL leaves.

SIL knows that H and I have been job hunting for three to four months. Sure we've done temp jobs so we're not dying financially. Nor are we the type to sit and pine about our present circumstances (that's what blogs are for, baby!), nor do we want other people to feel like they can't talk about their good luck and good fortune around us--we're not that selfish. Except this comment--it stung.

But ha ha, she was just kidding. Or was she? That's the thing--when you tack it on at the end like that, are you *really* kidding?

Ha indeed.

Comments
on Oct 28, 2004
She may be just kidding, doesn't mean it's funny. I think she's arrogant.


>> Then, "Ha ha, just kidding."

I'd just smack 'em up jaw and tell them it's an accident. Same thing.

on Oct 28, 2004
hehe... yeah, the sad thing is she meant no harm at all by it... she didn't think of your feelings - trust me, I have been guilty of that so much in the past... i am guilty of arrogance, and sometimes you just don't think of other people at all. I don't think she meant to hurt your feelings.

Meanwhile, what kind of loser life would someone who works four jobs lead? hehe... just kidding
on Oct 28, 2004
yeah, the sad thing is she meant no harm at all by it... she didn't think of your feelings


But that serves as no excuse. Lack of forethought doesn't make idiotic behavior okay.

I totally hear you A. The attempt to disguise thoughtless behavior behind the veil of humor is, in my not so humble opinion, cowardice at its finest. I wrote a blog along these lines a couple months ago. You can see my thoughts there if you want.
on Oct 28, 2004
Raven, d'ya think smacking my SIL upside the head would work? Hmm. I'll have to think about it. (My cynical side says, "Well, someone should!")

Mugz, I know you're right--she didn't mean to hurt. This isn't her first, however, so ... y'know. It gets old. I keep hoping she'll grow out of it--I was like this when I was a teenager. (BTW, she only works three jobs--the fourth was a project that's now complete. She's in college so she works one night in one place, two nights at another, and a couple hours a day at a third--about 20 hrs/wk. I did the same thing when I was there--it's unnerving how she and I are similar in some ways.)

Geez, BlueDev, I feel bad--we wrote very similar articles. Great minds..... That might've been before I started reading you so regularly...? Good thoughts.

-A.
on Oct 28, 2004
maybe you can start making smartass comments like her about some "Insensitive" people in the world who don't know when or how to STF up....and then tack it on at the end...oh woops! JUST KIDDING!!...maybe that will make her narrow young mind consider the plight of the less fortunate family members she so often annoys!

better yet...get the rest of the family in on the joke! WOHOO! That is gonna be SOME KINDA THANKSGIVING DINNER!!! WOOHOO!
on Oct 28, 2004
>> Raven, d'ya think smacking my SIL upside the head would work? Hmm. I'll have to think about it. (My cynical side says, "Well, someone should!")

hehe... well no...maybe not such a good idea (but wouldn't we all like to do that with people with smart mouths?). The point is that perhaps she needs a taste of her own medicine.
on Oct 28, 2004
I feel bad--we wrote very similar articles. Great minds..... That might've been before I started reading you so regularly...? Good thoughts.


First of all, don't feel bad at all. Things like that happen, life brings separate people to similar points. Sort of fascinating really.

And, yeah, it was a while ago, not surprised you missed it.
on Oct 28, 2004
I think it comes from insecurity and wanting to one-up the person. Sort of like a person that thrives on sympathy.

People like that irritate me. I tend to smirk and go "whatever". Then I continue the conversation.