Okay, for all you Office Space fans, you remember when Lawrence and Peter are talking about what they'd do with a million bucks, Lawrence says, "Two chicks at the same time." Peter says, "Nothing. I'd sit on my ass all day, and do nothing." Sometimes I aspire to Peter's sentiments, but after meeting some of the biggest idiots on the highway yesterday, this is what I'd do when I felt like sitting on my ass in a car:
I'd buy a beater car--a big non-SUV one, like a Lincoln Towncar or one of those old Chryslers or Cadillacs with lots of horses under the hood--and then I'd go around rear-ending bad drivers. I figure that's good for about two years of paying increasingly higher insurance premiums, eventually losing my license and/or insurance, and still driving around before jail, with maybe a bit to bail me out and pay some fines. (Mostly I'd try to pay their repair costs out of pocket instead of notifying the insurance company, but that probably wouldn't always work.)
I'd run over polluters, litterers, people who drive too aggressively in their big-ass, dumbass vehicles. I wouldn't do it hard enough to hurt anyone--just enough to inconvenience them and raise their blood pressure, just as they raise mine.
--Vindictively,
Angloesque