Two weeks ago my friend was killed in a car accident. I just found out tonight, and then I had to be the one to call my best friend, his ex-girlfriend, and tell her. She was very calm about it. And after I told her everything I knew, which wasn't much, we were just quiet for a long time. What do you say? Neither of us wanted to stay on the line but then there's that moment when you hang up and the world has shifted entirely and it seems to hold one fewer friend than it had moments before. I dread that moment.
I wish I could say more about him and make everyone understand just how wonderful he was, but I find myself lapsing into cliches: nicest guy in the world, funny, cheerful...but somewhere out there there's an obituary already written. I just miss him. And I don't quite know what to do: there's no funeral to plan to go to, I haven't got an address to write to his parents, there's no one to take food to or cry and look at pictures with. My husband is great but he didn't know him, so it's just not the same. I guess that must be what funerals are for.
At times like this I miss being a Christian and knowing that I'll see him again in heaven. I badly want to believe that there really is that kind of goodness in the world, but it's too hard. Everything just seems so ... bleak.