The orientation to my new job takes four weeks. FOUR WEEKS! I know NASA programmers who have shorter orientations than this. Furthermore, I get to sit through ten hours of training to use a program I already know, own, and use often. And here's the kicker: Today one of my many, many supervisors sat me down for two and a half hours and READ THE STUPID STAFF MANUAL OUT LOUD TO ME, IN A TONE NOT UNLIKE THAT WHICH YOU SENSE WHEN YOU READ IN ALL CAPS. I wanted to die by the end of the day. Or shoo...

Okay, this is JU specific. These are the people on JU that I'm thankful for--and they're off the top of my head, for the most part, which means I'm likely to leave people out. Don't be offfended--I have a terrible memory. Also I think I have all these genders straight, and if I don't, I'm terribly, horribly, no-good, very badly embarrassed about it. *ahem* I'm thankful for... BlueDev, 'cause he's a medical student and a helluva funny guy, even if he is a bit of a points cow. I like...

I vividly recall few things in grade school, but I do remember one Red Ribbon Week, which is the don't-do-drugs type of thing. You sign a pledge form and wear a red ribbon on your clothes all week, and then on Friday you tie ribbons on the fence to demonstrate to the neighborhood and all the parents that your school is one where the students are drug-free. Our teachers showed us pictures of the bad things that happen to your body or the car you drive when you were on drugs, including alcohol ...

Human gnome project. This one came to my attention whilst perusing the slush pile at the publishing house I worked at for awhile. The guy was writing a very serious book on the Human Genome Project, and that typo was in his first sentence. If it were in some far back page of the manuscript, I could forgive it. But the first sentence of the first paragraph of the first page? C'mon. I'll give him points for letting the manuscript stick in my head, though I don't think we ended up pu...

Politicians lie? People are arrogant? Really??? Read any top political article's comments and see the people who point fingers and say, "It's the right wing nuts trying to spin things" or "Lefties are liberals" or "George Bush is a liar" or "John Kerry is a cheater" or any variation. What it boils down to is that the accusations made by each side at the other side are pointless. It should be pretty obvious that spin happens. (That'd make a great bumper sticker...) We have people who want t...

Awhile back I was in line at Starbucks (I know it's the devil and I don't go there often) and asked for my drink and a venti (x-large) ice water to go, as we were setting out for another interview and would be on the road for many hours. The oh-so-helpful girl behind the counter said, "I'm sorry, but we can't give you a venti ice water to go. We can give you a tall [small] --would you like that?" No, you idiot, I'm driving a thousand miles and I'd like a venti. "Okay," I said reasonably...

Today I had a one-day temp job in a very small town about 30 minutes away. It didn't seem so bad--just answer the phones in a lawyer's office--so I said okay. They seemed desperate to find someone on such short notice. What they didn't tell me was that I would be temping for the Devil. Let's call him Larry. Larry seems like a nice, lawyerly name. Also I have a deadbeat lawyer uncle named Larry, so it fits. I got there at 8:30 and walked in the front door and came face-to-face with a ...

Um, here's a site that tells you what type of hat you wear. I don't wear hats often but apparently my type would be a bowler hat. (See below) One of the nice things about this quiz is that you're not pigeonholed into just one answer--you can mark more than one, which is excellent for indecisive people like me. Quiz.ravenblack.net: Link (I have no idea whether the ravenblack of that site is the same as our own local celeb.) I am a Bowler Hat . I'm very proper, often ...

Top 10 ways to get into the private college of your choice (1 = most important, etc.)) 10. If nothing else on the list, get near-perfect scores on your SATs 09. Apply to colleges where your familiy members have attended (preferably also colleges where they've not been kicked out, as I learned) 08. Be a valedictorian 07. Be international. Or just have an international address where you can mail your application from. Or be born in a different country, even if they didn't grant you citize...

I'm a big fan of pretty much all forms of poker, and admit that I succumb to the current rage, Texas Hold 'em. Great game. Lots of strategy and mind games-- --which all turn to utter CRAP when playing with beginners. For one, there's beginner's luck. Last night we were teaching, teaching for crying out loud, our friends to play, and H went out nearly immediately betting on pocket aces (and another on the table, so three Aces) when the beginner got a flush (pocket hearts and three hear...

Just now, my fiance is next to me on the couch, sleeping. Sleeping AND snoring. We're getting married in two weeks and I never knew he did this, and I'm a light sleeper; this doesn't bode well for Forever. Do I roll him over? Nudge him? He's not fat, not got asthma/allergies/anything like that.... Am I doomed to sleeplessness for the rest of my life, or will I get used to it? Or will we be in seprarate beds by anniversary #1? Holy crap, what have I gotten myself into?

Two of my freshers handed in their tests today with some comment about, "Man, that was hard " and then walked out the room into the tiled, resounding hallway and remarked (so that I, their instructor, and the rest of the class) could hear, "And it's only a 100-level class!" Probably some swear words in there. For two quarters I've enjoyed my students, I've challenged them, and hopefully I've made the class somewhat fun (it's a general studies requirement, so of course they're not going to...

Ah, Memorial Day weekend...that time of year when we all hit the road and then get pissed off at other drivers (and cops, those sneaky bastards). And although I was tempted to raise the finger in salute to these many stupid drivers I encountered, I did not. (Pats self on back.) But now I am. I was trying to pass a car in a bona fide passing zone, but it was on a hill and there was an oncoming car cresting the hill from the other side, and I do not have a powerful engine and so did not want...

I mean, they must. If they didn't want me to elope, they would never have told me how to do my own wedding. What's with saying, "T, you need to have red roses instead of orchids in your bouquet," or "Canned music? No, you must spend $3000 on a DJ who will play the wrong songs, anyway" or "We know you drew up the guest list, but we thought we'd invite 30 extra people and not tell you, all of whom live in the area and so are bound to come. What? There's a limit to the number of people who ca...