and I am not 18% "grateful"
Published on March 10, 2004 By Angloesque In Home & Family
I'm mightily pissed off tonight. I've signed at least three contracts for the upcoming...thingy...event...and all of them basically say, "No, we won't give your money back even if you die or if your fiance dies or if the world ends" (and in any of those cases I don't think I'd much care about it), "NOR will we give your money back if we do a shoddy job and screw things up, or if we decide to spill acid on your negatives and throw D-CON in the punch bowl." And then all the money is due before the wedding so it's not like you can not pay them if they do a crappy job; you have to either charge to credit card and hope the card takes your side, or pray that they actually are as highly recommended as the reports tell you.

Money doesn't do it for me. I'd rather pay more to not have to use wedding vendors or get married at a location with guest-trodden grass and wine-stained hardwood floors, without the hassle of a contract or wedding insurance or a stupid coordinator who thinks the gold ribbon looks better around the buffet table.

I'm not a lawsuit-happy type; they really would have to purposely poison me and purposely destroy my photos before I'd sue, and even then it would be a hassle. There are too many lawsuits bogging this country down and I would be reticent to add another. But thanks to all the dumbasses in the world, I have to put up with these contracts made especially for them and their whiny little butts.


And then there's the gratuity. That's the 18% surcharge they tack onto the food bill, as if it weren't already costing you $2 for a pea and $4.50 for a napkin, not even embossed with your names and the date. If you want a tip, do a good job; if not, include it in the price. The "gratuity" isn't given with gratitude, that's for sure.


I hate that people are making not just money, but a business, out of the most important day in my and my fiance's life. They're in it for money; they don't care who we are as long as we have fat wallets and deep pockets.

I want to be celebrating my fiftieth anniversary, looking back on right now from my front porch, sitting in my rocker with a cup of tea, laughing at the nitwit brides running around signing contracts, simpering nicely to hope for a good deal, worrying about how they'll do their hair and if anything might've been wrong with the pre-nup that will screw them out of the omnipotent money.


I want a marriage, and I want a wedding; I don't want either of those in the business, selfish way that seems so prevalent.

I've had it up to, uh, here...okay, you can't see me, but my hand is way above my head right now.

on Mar 10, 2004
please tell me that you're sharing these opinions with us, but not making them known to the future wife...

either that, or she hopefully has a good sense of humor about the whole thing...

I don't know the whole deal, but I know women can be sensitive about these things, so I'd think twice before i made a big deal about it, if i were in your wedding shoes...

just a thought
on Mar 10, 2004
If you think the wedding is a lot of fun, wait till you have a divorce. TRANSACTION? You better believe it is.

I told my firend once if he were to try to marry I'd come to the church on that morning and stab him with a knife. When he came to in the hospital and they go to press charges, he'd thank me for saving his life. It's that bad.
on Mar 10, 2004

If you think the wedding is a lot of fun, wait till you have a divorce

Why do you assume that he will have a divorce?  Great way to address a happy couple about to start their life together....

Anyway, Angloesque, don't worry about the wedding too much.  It's just a party that starts your marriage.  If things don't go exactly as planned, it really won't matter.  Just make sure that lots of people have cameras in case the photographer screws up (which happens a lot).  And, just enjoy the day and think about the rest of your life with your wife.  Concentrate on the marriage, not the wedding and all will be good.  (Or, concentrate on the wedding night not the day, if you know what I mean )  But, I agree that the whole wedding thing is getting out of hand.  Way too much involved anymore, and people expect it to be that way when they attend.  What a shock it would be if you got married and had a cake and punch "reception"

on Mar 10, 2004
Karma has some good advice.

Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself accordingly.
on Mar 10, 2004
Imajinit: I'm not really worrying about that; my fiance and I feel the same about this, though (ahem) he's the reason we're not eloping.

Karma: Wowsers, good point about the wedding night. And personally I'm all for cake and punch receptions; it seems like the rest of the world, however, is not, including mother and fiance. (Father agrees with me but keeps his mouth shut. There's something to be said for peace.)

on Mar 10, 2004

You brought it upon yourself by planning that sort of event.

I laugh at people who have their wedding video taped.   As if you'd have the desire to watch it more than once or twice afterwards.   MAYBE I can understand the ceremony, but the reception?   Its just a bunch of drunken people having fun, how many times can you watch the same drunken behavoir?

on Mar 10, 2004
I'm glad I didn't have to deal with any of that. I had a simple wedding which I mostly did myself. But twenty five years ago, my friends had hippie weddings and one of my friends made her dress from a lace table cloth--it looked like one too. Only one of my friends had a completely traditional wedding with tons of bride's maids, etc. Just don't fret the stuff and enjoy your wedding.
on Mar 10, 2004
I think when weddings become more about the actual event, it becomes a tacky spectacle (re: Trista and Ryan's Wedding from the Bachelor.) I think some people place more importance on keeping up appearances and reliving a fairytale that they forget the most important aspect of the day: being married to the person you love and cherish.

Good luck, Angloesque.
on Mar 10, 2004
I agree with most of that, and especially with Sherye about having a simple wedding. That's probably the way I'll go. I want it to be classy, but simple.

on Mar 10, 2004
I think "weddings" are meaningless. I never understand spending 10k on a wedding when you could spend 10k+ on a honeymoon, or just save it. People really dread going to weddings, brides and grooms are miserable at weddings. Seems like much ado about nothing. We had a court house special. I was pretty happy with the expense, and there were no bystanders using the excuse of our marriage vows to be entertained.

on Mar 11, 2004
I came back because I thought people would blast the hell out of me for what I wrote. I do hope the best for you and yours. A good marriage is so good it extends life expectancy. Good luck.
on Mar 11, 2004
I came back because I thought people would blast the hell out of me for what I wrote. I do hope the best for you and yours. A good marriage is so good it extends life expectancy. Good luck.

Gee, thanks. Actually, yours isn't the first "Ah, just wait 'til you're divorced" comment I've gotten and I blow them off. And I'm not offended.

As for the meaninglessness of weddings, I would tend to agree. We're pretty non-traditional, though, so we're not having cake or tuxes or even ties for the guys. It's not about those things. It's much simpler, and it was supposed to be even simpler and be held at my parents' house, but they had to move to a smaller house in a city, so that didn't work. We're getting family friends to do as much as possible, but no one caters or does photography, so we had to hire those and the location. Sucks, but in the long run I think we'll be glad we did. Our families both have traditions of taking complete family pictures for the family history, or whatever, and while that's kind of funny, it's kind of nice, too. I like my family, and his family, and they'd all be hurt if we ran off (which we have talked and talked about). I guess that's what it boils down to.
on Mar 16, 2004
I personally am jealous. I had a justice of peace wedding and wish I had the whole production - maybe that's just because I didn't have to go through that - lol! Mainly I just want the pictures. I have no pictures of my wedding day. I would have liked to having something a little more sentimental but we're still married 10 years later. My sister and best friend who had the big fancy weddings are divorced. Now I am just planning an anniversary trip for our 15th. It was supposed to be for our tenth but that snuck up on us too fast and their wasn't enough in the bank account. I had wanted Hawaii but now I'm thinking Puerto Rico or Tulum, Mexico but I have five years to save and plan for that trip. I hope you have a wonderful wedding day and more importantly a great marriage.
on Mar 16, 2004
Thank you. I hope you have a wonderful anniversary trip when it comes around.
on Mar 19, 2004
My wedding was amazing, my husband and I enjoyed every minute of the planning and celebrating because we were promising ourselves to each other and then partying to celebrate the committment we made. My guests didn't dread attending (in fact they didn't want to leave). We did everything the way we wanted to on our terms within our budget and had a blast. 8 months later I wouldn't change a thing about the day. It was the marriage and still is about the marriage.

Photos, videos, it's all up to what you want, none of it is required. I have both and would never give them up, I will be able to show my children an dtheir children their grandparents and parents and great-grandparents and other extended family celebrating the day that my husband and I wed. To me that is a treasure. (and we watch the drunk people dancing etc all the time, it's fun).

The contracts are a pain and costs can be outrageous, but you can find beautiful locations without the gratuity and negative aspects you mentioned, we did. You DO NOT need a wedding coordinator, we figured it all out by ourselves! I agree however that you as a consumer are not as protected as the people you are paying and that was the only frustration that I had. My advice enjoy every moment together and do not stress about the details.

Good luck and God Bless!