Patience is a virtue, and feminism doesn't mean doing away with it
I have a beef with a particular aspect of feminism--a small beef, perhaps veal--but beef nonetheless.
It's when a married couple for whatever reason doesn't have the same last name (generally speaking, when the wife keeps her name); specifically, when the wife gets very upset by being incorrectly addressed. For example, I have two friends, we'll call them John Smith and Jane Andrews, who have been married for three years now, and they have separate names, not because Jane was established in any field or because she wanted to carry on her lineage (she has at least four brothers doing that) but because she didn't like John's last name. And also she wanted to "retain her identity." (*Aside--see bottom.)
Furthermore, if she receives any mail addressed to "John and Jane Smith," she returns it and writes "not at this address." John's mother was very upset by her decision and tried sending them letters addressed as "John and Jane Smith" but, needless to say, that did not go over well with Jane, causing strained relations and inconveniencing John by putting him in the middle between them. (Granted, I think the mom just needs to let it go, but I think Jane does, too.)
Recently, I asked them what their children's last name would be, as they are nearing that era in their lives. Evidently they haven't decided that and it began a huge row, so I bowed out and vowed to never ask anyone that ever again, period and exclamation point.
Also recently, Jane was talking to another feminist who kept her last name but added her husband's name, i.e. Susan Johnson Watson (no hyphen). Susan was upset that she was getting mail addressed to "Susan Watson" and not "Susan Johnson Watson." (Since many parents choose to give the mother's maiden name as a middle name, I don't understand how we're supposed to know if Johnson is part of the middle name or the last name.)
Both Jane and Susan are equally upset (actually, upset is an understatement--try "incensed") when they receive mail addressed to Mrs. John Smith or Mrs. Tom Watson. I find it archaic but they go nutso over it, threatening to confront people, to not return calls or Christmas letters, etc. Yikes.
Here's the thing: If they'd just relax a little while the world gets used to women and men who are married but with different last names, they'd save their heart a whole lot of blood pressure-related stress. When a social norm is changing, don't accept everyone to embrace it equally and quickly. It takes time. Personally, I'm tired of hearing about their stupid last name issues THREE YEARS INTO MARRIAGE.
(*) My personal opinion is that a married couple loses the identity that comes with being single; they lose their Singletondom, as it were, so they are in fact losing a part of their identity when they choose to marry, anyway. I think it's highly convenient for a family to have a last name--it saves a lot of questions in terms of filling out forms, addressing letters, and so forth. But I don't expect everyone to share that--I just ask for a little patience while the rest of the world tries to sort it out. Is that too much?