Evolving.
Published on September 19, 2004 By Angloesque In Personal Relationships
Two weeks ago my friend was killed in a car accident. I just found out tonight, and then I had to be the one to call my best friend, his ex-girlfriend, and tell her. She was very calm about it. And after I told her everything I knew, which wasn't much, we were just quiet for a long time. What do you say? Neither of us wanted to stay on the line but then there's that moment when you hang up and the world has shifted entirely and it seems to hold one fewer friend than it had moments before. I dread that moment.

I wish I could say more about him and make everyone understand just how wonderful he was, but I find myself lapsing into cliches: nicest guy in the world, funny, cheerful...but somewhere out there there's an obituary already written. I just miss him. And I don't quite know what to do: there's no funeral to plan to go to, I haven't got an address to write to his parents, there's no one to take food to or cry and look at pictures with. My husband is great but he didn't know him, so it's just not the same. I guess that must be what funerals are for.

At times like this I miss being a Christian and knowing that I'll see him again in heaven. I badly want to believe that there really is that kind of goodness in the world, but it's too hard. Everything just seems so ... bleak.

Comments
on Sep 19, 2004
I'm so sorry, Angloesque.

My husband lost one of his best friends in an auto accident shortly after we married. It was a very tough thing to deal with, and I think guys tend to push things away and not let them in. It's a very strange thing to deal with the death of someone who is young and has so much promise and life ahead of him.

I don't know what to say except maybe to encourage you to believe your friend is in heaven or somewhere better. What's the harm? While I have my beliefs, I also have many doubts. I am religious for selfish reasons. I believe because I must. My heart can't handle the thought that this is it and that there is nothing better. I can't handle the thought that my precious children were born to die and rot in the ground. I have to believe in something bigger and better. I have to believe in heaven.

I'm sorry to have rambled. I just wanted to let you know that I care that you are hurting.
on Sep 19, 2004
Oh, sweetheart. I'm glad (from my point of view) to say that I have never had to go through anything like this, except when a friend of mine died back when I was about 9 or 10, so it doesn't really have the same sort of impact. The fact that you are grieving for him shows that you care as much as any obituary might do, but don't forget to celebrate his life, too.

You know we're all here for you.

Aria
on Sep 19, 2004
I'm so sorry about your loss. All involved are in my thoughts and prayers.
on Sep 19, 2004
Sorry to hear such sad news, Angloesque. *hugs*